A double joke for Christmas

Joke number 1 for today....

Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled." So the that's what Rich did. The next day at the bar his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said Joe. "Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

Joke number 2 for today....

A secretary walked into her boss's office & said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you." "Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once." "Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You're not sterile."

Today's joke

Today's joke of the day...

The English teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay. It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..." "My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

Today's joke

A joke for today....

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample." The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?" "What did he say? What's he want?" His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

Today's joke

And here is today's joke...

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."

Another joke

Here is the joke....

A blonde walks into the dry cleaners with a dress she wants cleaned.
She says to the owner of the shop ¨Could i have this dress dry-cleaned please, it has a stain on the front.¨
The hard of hearing shop owner says ¨Come again¨
¨No¨ says the blonde, ¨It's mayonaise this time¨.

Here's another joke

Another joke.....

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Joke of the day

And now a joke....

Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

Joke of the day

Here's another joke....

Dr Paul was called in front of the medical board for gross misconduct. They said to Dr Paul ¨You have been having sex with your patients¨. Dr Paul replied ¨I'm not the first and won't be the last.¨ Medical board replied ¨Dr Paul - you are a vet.¨