The one about the go-go dancer...

Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee
and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay bar."

The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio."

The one about the kinky dream...

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look on his face.

"Doc," he says, "I'm worried. It's that dream. I'm having it again!"

"What dream?" asked the psychiatrist.

"You know," says the man, "the one where I'm into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried. . . or am I just beating a dead horse?"  

The one about the facelift...

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000.00 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," the clerk replies.

"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the same question.

She replies, "I'd guess about 29".

The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47."

Now she is feeling really good about herself.

Then while waiting for the bus home, she asks a nice older man the same question.

He replies, "I'm 68 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands down your panties. Then I can tell exactly how old you are."

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead."

The old man slips both hands down her panties and begins to feel around.

After a couple of minutes she says, "Okay, Okay, how old am I?"

He removes his hands and says, "You are 47."

Stunned, the woman says, "That is amazing. How do you know?"

The old man replies with a satisfied smile, "I was standing behind you at McDonalds."

The one about the helping hand...

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.

"What are they doing, Grandma?" asked the little girl.

The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor."

"They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?" said the little one.

"How do you mean?" asked the Grandma.

"Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl, "and they screw you every time!"

The one about the rich, gorgeous wishes....

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."

So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

The one about the free sex...

A man woke up one morning to find his wife packing her bags.

"Where the heck are you going?" demanded the husband.

The wife replied, "You know all this free sex I've been giving you all these years? Well I just found out I can get $200 a shot for it out in Las Vegas."

With that the husband jumped out of bed and began packing HIS bags, too.

"Where do you think you're going?" demanded the wife.

"I want to see how you can live on $400 a year!" 

The one about the happy wife...

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said,"This will make you happy tonight."

He was right! When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknob... he couldn't get back in!

The one about grandma's idea...

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa, what are you doing?", he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below
the waist?", he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea."   

The one about the huge...

Claire went to her new gynecologist for her first exam.

The doctor got her in the stirrups and spread her legs. Then the doctor said, "Oh My God!!! In my all of my career, I have never seen such a huge vagina!! ...huge vagina!!"

She said, "Doctor, I know it and I'm very self-conscious about it. You didn't have to repeat yourself."

The doctor replied, "I didn't. It was an echo!"