The one about the dead man...

3 nurses go into the morgue, and there's a dead man's body lying there, with an erection.

The first nurse sees it, and says "I'm dying for it," gets atop the man and has her way with it.

The second nurse says "Aye, so am I, shame to let it go to waste", and she does the same.

They turn to the 3rd nurse and ask her if she is having a go. She replies she is having her period, and declines. 

One of the nurses replies, "He's dead anyway, he won't be bothered." 

The last nurse agrees with this, gets on and does her thing too.

Just after she finishes, the dead man sits up. The nurse asks him "We thought you were dead!"

The man replies, "After two jump starts and a blood transfusion, you wouldn't be dead either!" 

The one about useless body parts...

A man has 27 parts that don't work for him:

20 nails that don't nail

1 belly button that doesn't button

2 tits that don't milk

1 cock that doesn't crow

2 balls that don't bounce

1 ass that doesn't do any work

Hmmm... but maybe women shouldn't laugh too hard...

They have a pussy that doesn't catch mice!

The one about the farmer's wife...

A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door.

Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and screamed, "Get the hell away!"

Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay home the following day just in case.

Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, "Yes!"

The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife!"