The one about the store that sold everything...

A man saw a sign in a clothing store that said, "We sell everything!"

The guy walked up to the clerk and asked her for some glass pants.

The woman replied, "Sorry sir we don't sell those."

The man argued that the sign stated that the store sold everything.

The woman remarked that glass pants did not even exist.

The man went to his home, and came back to the store wearing a pair of glass pants. The man said triumphantly, "See, I told you that they existed!"

The woman said, "At first I thought you were crazy.....but now I see you're nuts!"

The one about the baby born with no cock...

The country doctor was just returning from a delivery at an outlying cattle ranch, when he crossed paths with the town's gossip.

"Doctor Wilson, how is the Smith baby?"

"Well, the child was born without a dick," the doctor said...

"Oh, oh my goodness!" said the gossip...and with a smile on her face, she turned to head into town to spread the news.

Before she could take off to spread the news, the doctor quickly grabbed her arm, bent his head over and whispered in her ear, "But she'll have a damn nice place to put one in 20 years!"

The one about the nude man...

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"

The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.

"Where is he?" asked the receptionist.

"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.

The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"

"The dresser, honey!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"

The one about the girls' night out...

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they need to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, and used them and threw them away.

Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it.

After finishing, they made there way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'"  

The one about the rotten old boat...

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.

A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."

Joe, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no, in fact I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish.

"She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.

"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."

The old lady fainted.

The one about the Vaseline....

A market researcher came to a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her.

He asked her if she minded replying to his questions, and when she agreed he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds.

When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline, and she certainly knew of that product.

When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes."

When asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse."

The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone who uses our product always tell me they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?"

"Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."

The one about bathroom nookie...

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!"

He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.

When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said, "That was the best, honey. You've never moved like that before, you didn't hurt yourself did you?"

His wife said, "No, no. I'll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my ass."