The one about the tattoo...

A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?"

"I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis."

"What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?"

"Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow...

"Number two, once in awhile, I like to play with my money...

"And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"

The one about the doctors appointment...

I was showing my Dr a nasty rash on my cock today, he seemed pretty uncomfortable & didn't want to touch it, he just said make an appointment at the surgery monday morning and walked off with his kids pushing the shopping trolley..

The one about the nun in the desert...

Priest and Nun on a camel in the Sahara desert the camel drops dead leaving them Doomed!. Realising their fate, and having never seen a Naked Woman, the Priest asks the Nun to show her Tits and she agrees, providing he shows his Cock. They fondle each other and the Priest gets an Erection.
Priest says, 'You know if I put this in the right place I can create life!'.
'Good!', said the Nun 'Stick it up the Camels arse and lets get the fuck out of here!'....

The one about making babies...

Dad came home one day in an exceptionally horny mood and took his wife upstairs for sex. Just when they were really getting into it, their young son entered the room and started to cry.

"What's wrong, son?" the father asked. "Why are you crying?"

"You're hurting my mummy," the little boy replied.

"No, no," the father reassured, "I'm not hurting her. We are making babies."

This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple went back to their business.

The next day the father came home from work and found his son on the steps, crying.

"What's the matter NOW?" asked Dad.

His son replied, "It's those babies you were making with mummy yesterday. The postman is upstairs eating them!"  

The one about kissing it.....

Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big toilet like his daddy. He pushes up the seat and balances his little penis on the rim.

Just then the toilet seat slams down, and little Johnny lets out a scream.

His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping round the room clutching his genitals and howling.

He looks up at her with his little tear stained face and sniffles, "K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it and make it better."

Little Johnny's mother shouts, "Don't start your father's shit with me!" 

The one about the rubber gloves...

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

"No," she said.

"Well," spoofed the dentist, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

The old woman just sat there and didn't laugh a bit!

Five minutes later, during the procedure, the dentist had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!" 

The one about the blonde and the Indian...

An attractive Blonde, Kitty Mc Neill was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. Kitty climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let Kitty off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.

"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback!"